Your heart has been broken again .Inside your chest it throbs and your only wish is to get away from yourself. You run here and you go there but you cannot escape yourself or the pain. The pain is incessant. You try to distract yourself. You try to talk to others so that you cannot feel it. You walk around looking at things, but you cannot see because you are blinded by the pain. Pain is all consuming,eating your heart away until you want to disappear. You want to cry but you can’t cry because your tear ducts are swollen shut from crying too many tears already. You long for relief. Why cant I let this go you ask! Why can’t you let me go? Why does it hurt so much? You have no answers and the questions keep coming, Is there something I could’ve done? You try to place blame thinking you can move the pain away. It was their fault they hurt me. They hurt me intentionally. Inside yourself you know it was your own fault. You gave too much to someone who could not accept what you had to give. You gave your love, but it bounced back unaccepted and then you hurt yourself by believing that it was your fault, by thinking that you did something wrong. Relentlessly the pain goes on. You pray for relief. You look for places to run to escape and hide; you push it down inside but it keeps popping up and breaking you again. You consider options to help numb it . You know inside yourself if you numb the pain, it will only come later again. Inside yourself, you scream; in your thoughts you cover a thousand miles of what if and what could and what should and how is it not the way I want it?You know it is your dreams that brought you down your internal fantasies. You know it is your feelings that drive this stake through your heart, and you curse your feelings and you curse the one that broke your heart and you curse the pain. You remain in this place for a long time. Forever. You are broken. Your heart is frozen, but a glimmer comes. A thaw. A melting. I did this.I did this to myself : no one did it to me, I hurt myself with my expectations and my need to have what I wanted. I can let it go. I can surrender to the pain and I can feel the intensity of the love that I gave. I can feel the intensity of that love for myself. I can take it back in-and I can love myself. In the loving of myself the pain evaporates. In letting go of the pain the pain lets go of me. I can open my heart to love again.